We have two homes.We have two beds and two toothbrushes. We take our favourite toys with us because Daddy’s house is smaller.
Mummy and Daddy got divorced.
We usually live with mummy but we have Daddy Weekends too.
Daddy Weekends are the best.
We can wear PJs all weekend and watch lots of TV. Daddy forgets to brush our teeth and there’s no homework at Daddy’s.
Sometimes my brother gets a tummy ache. He’s allergic. That means his body can’t squish some food up properly. Daddy forgets and sometimes he makes the wrong food.
When I tell mummy she goes very quiet.
Her mouth gets all squashed flat and she makes her ‘talking about Daddy face’.
Mummy has a rule about divorce. She’s not allowed to say bad things about Daddy because it might make bad feelings come inside us and if a mummy says lots of bad things about a daddy, it can make us feel pulled in two. Mummy says that wouldn’t be good for our feelings or our brains. Our brains won’t be fully growed for ages yet, mummy says. She says we won’t understand some things and other things are too big for us to hear yet.
She says “Daddy loves you very much, but some people find it hard to be a grown-up.”
Daddy and mummy got a divorce.
That means two people loved each other but then they didn’t love each other the same way anymore. Mummy showed me the dinosaur book about it. The dinosaur’s parents got a divorce too, just like us.
Mummy says it’s not our fault and we have to remember that divorce is a grown-up answer to a grown-up problem. But divorce happens to all the family, not just the grown-ups.
Daddy says mummy wanted a divorce and he had to leave but he doesn’t know why. Daddy says mummy’s rule don’t matter at Daddy’s house. She’s not in charge here, he says. She’s not the boss of us.Daddy gets very cross when mummy sends emails. She tells him what we are allergic to and the days we want to stay over. Daddy says mummy wants to be in charge all the time and it’s not fair.
Daddy says mummy shouldn’t have asked for the divorce.
Mummy says that Daddy has a problem inside his brain that makes him very sad sometimes and very cross sometimes. It also makes him break his marriage promises. It made her very sad and sick on the inside. She says she doesn’t want to say bad things about Daddy because it will make us sad and maybe not be good friends with Daddy when we grow up.
She says it’s important for boys to be friends with their Daddy and she’s so happy that Daddy moved back near us and makes sure he sees us at the weekend. She says that’s good for our feelings. She says she won’t ask him to be married to her again because it makes her really sad when he gets angry with her and when he breaks his marriage promises.
Marriage promises are important and we will understand better when we are growed up. That’s enough information for now she says.
Mummy says “Daddy loves you very much but sometimes some people aren’t very good at being married.”
Daddy loves us very much. I know that because Daddy says it and mummy says it too. I can’t wait for my Daddy weekend. One day he will pick us up from school.
That will be the best day ever.
I like being at Daddy’s best. Mummy says that’s because it’s exciting because we aren’t there all the time. She says it’s ok to like it more. She says she doesn’t mind that we say her house is boring. My brother got worried. He doesn’t want mummy to feel sad that we love Daddy more.
Mummy sat us down and said “Do you both feel loved? I know you love me and I know Daddy’s is more exciting. And that’s ok. The most important thing is that you both feel loved.”
Mummy says feeling loved and happy feelings inside are really important for little boys growing. I’m big now but my brain is still growing. Mummy says she has to make sure she is careful that bad things don’t go into our brains too much because we might get really sad when we are teenagers.
Teenagers get big feelings. Sometimes they get really really sad. Daddy says mummy worries too much and we don’t need to talk about feelings all the time. Mummy likes it when we talk about our feelings. She says no feelings are bad, it’s ok to be angry or sad or happy or anything but it’s really important that we don’t hit anyone. Even big feelings make it not ok to hit.
Mummy says if we think it’s ok to hit now, we might hit people when we grow up. That is not good, and makes people really sad. We might even hit our wife if we got married.That would be very bad. Mummy says some men find it hard to be married and they hurt people they are supposed to love. I asked her one time if Daddy was a man who hurt a lady before, when he was married. She made her squashed ‘talking about Daddy face’.
She says “Daddy loves you very much, and you don’t need to worry about those sort of grown up things.”
My Daddy is the best Daddy in the world.